She fell but will stand again
by MadameImagination
Summary: "I'm wide awake Yeah, I was in the dark I was falling hard With an open heart I'm wide awake How did I read the stars so wrong?" Katy Perry knew and knows what's it's like to be so high and then to be dropped and crash and then have to realize it all over it. -Certain things after Come as You Are.I stick to something things but not everything. Just read PLEASE!
1. Wide Awake

The birds outside made her realize she had stayed up all night and Katie rolled to her left side and looked out the window and the gravity pulled the tears out of her eyes onto her blanket and she blankly stared out of the window. For some reason she was not tired she felt like she felt fine but her eyes never closed, as she kicked her legs over the edge of the bed and stood slowly what felt like slow motion she fell and landed on her knees. Letting out a yelp she rolled into a ball and felt her shoulders tremble continously.

"Kit Kat- ohhh hun" Marisol said as she got up from the other side of Katie's bed and nearly ran around the bed to her best friend. Katie felt Marisol pull her up and rest on her shoulder but the girl couldn't help but feel like she was sitting alone in complete, darkness.

Marisol rested her cheek on Katie's head and looked at her phone wanting to call Mo and ask him to bring ice cream and chick flicks because she couldn't leave right now but at that very moment all she wanted to do was find Drew and kill him. Saturday was mostly spent with Katie on the floor because the girl wasn't moving and everytime she did she saw something in her room that reminded her of the lost boyfriend who she thought she loved and was there as she thought through her rehab. He visited once and she noticed a different look in his eye but she ignored it because she just wanted to be held and he did that just that nothing more- didn't talk like Mar didn't ask her anything like her parents or try to give her anything like her doctor. Just sat there she could still feel his arms reaching around her and locked onto each other, he didn't squeeze just let her sit there like she needed.

Katie thought she did everything right, she was there for him when he was at his lowest but he couldn't provide the same for her. At first he did, never asked to much just was there and listened.

Katie let out a muffled whine into Marisol's shoulder, she wanted to scream like a mad woman just to get what she needed out but it wasn't going to help. Once Katie could sit up she looked at Marisol who just looked worried and quickly stood, "Umm you can go hang out with M-"

"Katie I'm here for you Mo can wait until tomorrow or next week" Marisol said leaving Katie with a smile.

"I just want to go for a walk by myself- please"

"Umm- I'll go to the store and pick up everything with Ryan Gosling" she said before patting Katie on the back but not leaving yet. Katie was watched by Marisol as she put a jacket over her tank top and sneakers that went with her yoga pants. Her and Marisol left at the same time she watched Marisol pull out of the drive way.

She waved at her friend before turning down the oppisite side of the street, she didn't pay attention to where she was going she just walked and as the sky got darker she realized she was going to be walking in the rain soon. She should show up to Drew's crying and in the rain to be dramatic and she smiled imagining what would never happen. She'd get to his houe and knock and Adam would probably answer his face would look like a frightened clown with the thunder and lighten flashing and clapping behind Katie and he'd call Drew to the back door. Drew would be probably eating something or playing a video game and he'd come up to the door and make her step back into the rain just to avoid being close to him.

"Katie I'm-"

"No actually I'm sorry for wasting my time on someone who never cared or just us-used me to try to let go of someone who could get him killed! You're thinking 'she's pretty dramatic' and 'what was I thinking?' well I'm thinking the same thing. You used m-me Drew" Katie stammered starting to feel the wind pick up making her hair whip infront of her face sticking there because she was wet. That one tear that stayed in the corner of her eye as she talked would finally drop and Drew would drop his head and rub the back of his neck like he always did and Katie would feel a little better and start to walk away.

"Katie!" would cause her to spin around, Drew entered the rain and walked toward her- in slow motion because remember this is all in her head. Drama remember the drama here, "I'm sorry- I never ment to-" he start before she turned around and start walking away from him. His touch of her arm to stop her would again make her stop dead and look at him.

"I nearly died and you were there- and that's what I needed, you I needed someone like you to help me and you did. Nothing we were was a waste! Katie!" she'd try to pull away again and this time suceed and she'd walk away she didn't want to listen to him anymore just him talking would what got her to fall for him so not letting him talk would make this eaiser. Getting out of the gate she'd stop in the front yard and look up at the rain and give herself time to take a deep breath. She didn't need him to hold her, she could hold herself up and continue on.

Katie found herself sitting on a bench realizing she didn't even need to go see him to realize she didn't need him. Katie moved her hair from her face and put her head down, but still it would be hard for her not to have Drew there like he was before.

"Katie!" she heard and she jolted her head up to Marisol and Mo getting out of the car to Katie hugging her knees on the bench infront of some random stores. Looking at them through the rain Mo handed Marisol her umbrella and helped to get Katie to standing she stared at him.

"Thank you Mo." Katie said looking up at him.

"No problem" Mo responded almost robotic.

"No for being- _honest_" she said before getting in the car Mo and Marisol looked at each other and Marisol sighed and let Mo drive after getting into the back seat Katie held onto her legs again and Marisol looked behind her to take ahold of her friends hand. The worry in Marisol's eyes made Katie feel guilty. She mouthed to the girl _I'm fine_ and still Marisol's slightly relaxed face still shown through worry. Marisol still held Katie's hand but turned around and told Mo to go to an address Katie missed and then looked back at her. As they pulled up Katie realized where they were. Drew's, Katie didn't want to get out and Marisol didn't allow her to. She got out before Mo could grab her umbrella and Katie watched her friend walk into the rain ruining her hair and everything and that alone made Katie jump up and out of the car following Mo after her. Getting to the backyard Marisol had already had Drew's basement door wide up and was yelling at someone. Katie stood under the umbrella with Mo watching her best friend shout at Drew, her voice was gone and she was cold so hiding behind Mo slightly she used him for a blockage and well warmth.

"You're a fucking scumbag Drew Torres- I hope you fucking get some kind of disease because you remember who Bianca is! If you ever, EVER! Talk to Katie again I will gladly rip your balls off and feed them to you you piece of shit!" she said as Drew meerily put his hands in his pockets Marisol went to swing at him and that's the second when Mo moved and left katie standing the rain because Bianca had come out and was coming toward Marisol. Mo picked up Marisol and spun her away from the angry girl who had been controlled by Drew and Adam but Drew's eyes were stuck on Katie who probably looked like she was in a rainstorm because she was of emotions and in the literal sense. Adam brought Bianca inside and Mo pulled Marisol back toward the car leaving Drew and Katie in the rain. Drew just stared at her and Katie dropped his gaze and licked the rain of her lip it was salty so she knew she was crying again.

"Katie I-" she just turned and held up one hand and walked away from him leaving him standing the rain. She returned to the car and Marisol was sitting inside of the car with Mo, and she saw her friend shouting at her boyfriend and Katie narrowed her eyes angry- with herself for making them fight. She looked down feeling like she was ruining things all around. Mo must have spotted Katie because he and Marisol got out of the car and Marisol started toward her.

"Oh Katie" she said hugging her friend and Mo just stood there holding the umbrella over the girls looking beyond them seeing Drew standing the gate watching. Katie was starting to feel numb and it felt good for once and her legs felt like they were being taken out from the back of her knees she wanted to collapse and just cry and well she did her knees finally gave out and Marisol taught her with help from Mo and glared at Drew as she walked Katie to the car. Katie watched him put his head in his hand and slightly in the back of her head she hoped he felt terrible. Was this just the dramatic teen angst inside of her or was Katie fighting the urge to make her self permentally numb like before.

She went home with Marisol and watched movies until she went to sleep and found herself in her bed alone again Marisol was gone with a small text in her phone.

"_Left w/ Mo, you need sleep. Rest KitKat n please call when you wake up. I love you n he just wasn't good enough for you n all the amazingness that is you. xoxo Mar" _

Katie put her phone down and stared out the window again but this time she didn't get up she closed her eyes and stayed there for the rest of the Sunday.


	2. Gravity still Clarity

Bianca rattled off at the mouth like she always did when she was frustrated and Adam just looked in my direction, the floor and my hands were more interesting to me right now. I knew Katie would hurt and I knew she'd be upset but seeing her standing in the rain looking at me like she did.

_Terrible_, is all I felt and that's something I didn't feel yesterday. I wasn't feeling anything to her I was just glad to have the truth told and now I _thought_ I could be happy and be with Bianca but all I wanted her to do was shut up because I could hear her but nothing stuck with me long- like when my mother talks. Never should I compare my girlfriend to my mother but that's what she sounded like right now. After a while she finally stopped talking and mumbled things probably about wrapping her hand in Marisol's hair and ripping the false hair out of her head.

"Drew you're not even listening!" Bianca shouted at me pushing my shoulder and my body just rolled right ear to right shoulder and up I looekd at her and she narrowed her eyes mumbled something rude and grabbed her purse and left. Adam looked at me like, _why isn't he following her_. But then he got it he just got up and walked upstairs but not before grabbing his bowl of chips. Sometimes he wasn't even remotely like a girl- he didn't think like one at all. _But I guess that was the point of all the pills and whatever_. My hand cramped and I squeezed my knuckles pushing my fingers into my palm while my mind raced. Katie's face, her posture, the rain, yelling Marisol ran through my head but in silence. I couldn't hear Marisol or the rain hit on my roof but I could see Katie and hear her breathe short and quick breaths I knew she was crying I could tell by the way she looked at me. Wanting to make her feel better was a habit but Bianca was twisting in my arms making it harder to focus it was like I was reliving it, I felt the rain I felt Bianca nearly rip my arm off before Adam took her inside and shut the door. I took a step toward Katie and spoke but she turned from me and walked away. I stood there stuck for a moment and the rain falling off my hair hit me in the cheek and my eyelash. Turning around I walked back in and ignored Bianca bitch and ignored Adam try to calm her down I changed my shirt but faced Bianca and I looked at her as she threatened Marisol and reassured me she'd kill Marisol and or Katie before they touched me. I blinked and pulled the t-shirt over my head. Cracking my neck I walked over to the couch and Adam tried to go back to how it was before leaving room for Bianca on the couch between me and him while he played his video game. Bianca wouldn't sit she paced like a lion and I adjusted my arms on the back of the couch and looked over at her as she pushed my shoulder, she left and I didn't plan on getting up. Adam left and I sat there staring out the window, it was pouring and for some reason my house was quiet Adam went up to bed I knew and Dallas was probably already asleep with hockey early in the morning. I must have blinked because it looked like Katie was still dancing outside my window looking at where I was standing. I jumped up and back and circled what I thought she was, getting closer to my door I realized the lighten cracked and I was exhausted because come on I had to be- I don't just see things like that.

Rubbing my eyes I flicked the light off on my way up the stairs, walking into the kitchen there she sat with my mother and Adam talking about soccer and what she planned on doing as president. Again I wasn't controlling my body but I was reliving everything- could hear myself talk and everything. I came home from soccer with Katie and went upstairs to change and she got comfortable talking with my mom. When I came back down she pulled me by my belt and my mom didn't even care as I watched myself rest my head on hers and lock her head in my arms as I crossed them over her chest. My mother, Audra Torres smiled and just went on cooking Adam set the table.

"Katie dear, staying for dinner?"

"Oh sorry my mom is ordering me and Maya home for family dinner that's manidtory once a week" Katie's excuse made sense and was probably true and my mother just nodded and made Adam remove a place at the table. "Speaking of which I have to go" she said patting my arm, I just now realized that I whimpered when she said that. I don't remember doing it but I guess I did, she smiled when she got up and touched my face healed after everything that had happened before and I made a face before she kissed me on my cheek. "Bye Drew, Adam" she said after kissing me on the cheek again and flicking Adam who recoiled like he was going to hit her back.

"Black belt lucky Katie- you got that. One day I will Miyagi you!" he shook his fist at her as she walked away I smacked his fist away and my mom laughed. Walking Katie out the door I caught up to her as she walked through our livingroom grabbing her waist Katie laughed and I pulled her back to me.

"Stop- Drew aha- stop shh your mother is in the other room!" she laughed and pulled away from me and raised one finger to warn me and then point in the direction of my mother. I rolled my eyes and pushed her hand out of the way and went in to kiss her but she made me kiss her hand. I opened my eyes and grabbed her hand and wrapped it around her back, she taught me how to do that and I remembered and it was the only thing I did remember from those "lessons". She didn't make a sound just laughed as I let her go when she got to the door, she walked down a few steps.

"Katie!" I said and she whipped around.

"Drew, what?" she mocked and I motioned for her to come back as I rested my head against the door with one arm hidden. She obeyed and came back to me raised eyebrows she wondered what I wanted with a small smirk on her face.

"Kiss me"

"No-" she said before turning away, my eyes opened wided and I dropped my jaw. She said no- really. But she turned around after walking down a step and laughed at my expression, stepping one foot on the step between us she grabbed my face and kissed me. I knew I smiled and she did also, she backed up for a breath and I let her for a second before kissing her again. Pushing me back she shook her finger at me, the girl was a tease. She blew me another kiss from her car and I came down the stairs hoping she'd give me another but she just pulled away and smiled wide as she drove away.

But there I was in the kitchen again and it was dark and no one was in there, I needed sleep stat I was seeing whole memories now. But I couldn't say that wasn't a good one- I needed to stop thinking about Katie. For my sake and well my balls- Marisol wasn't joking and I knew that for a fact. A buzz in my pocket caught me as I walked up the stairs,

_Sorry for the crazy exit, Marisol pissed me off. But I love you Drew no matter what she said about us/you- Bee. _

I laid down before I responded and we continued talking for the next hour until I fell asleep with the phone on my chest.


	3. Changed

The beeping from her alarm woke Katie from not a deep sleep but she was comfortable finally, scratching her hair she felt it has dried as she laid down and was sticking her to pillow making a face she sat up and didn't dare looking in the mirror and just walked to the bathroom Katie didn't want to see her face and just hopped in the shower. Her house was quiet and she stood in the shower hugging herself letting the water run down her back she thought about doing something new, the first idea tattooing her body wasn't the best thing to do while her mind was where it was she'd get something she'd have to explain to everyone and it would be ridiculous so she let that one wash off her back like the rain in her hair. She could dye her hair and she always wanted to go black, her mother said if she wanted to change her hair high school was the time to try things with it. As she got out of the shower she ran back to her room and looked in her closet for the wigs her and Marisol wore in grade 5 for Halloween they were each other Marisol wore Katie's clothes and wore a dirty blond wig and Katie did the same black wig with bangs. She found it and threw it on her bed and quickly put on something comfortable and sat in front of her mirror as she combed her own hair and put in a weird bun like her mother did that Halloween so many years ago. Was this she was actually thinking about it it was weird but excited for a reason unknown to her. Flipping the wig over upside down she put her hair in and flipped back over and looked in the mirror she didn't judge at first she fixed the bangs and adjusted it a little. Katie's eyes brighten and she loved it. Running to the bathroom she looked again. Katie was actually in love with how this looked and she calmed herself walked downstairs. Her sister was the first to notice, "Katie what the hell is on your head!" she poked at Katie and she swatted her hand away and walked over to the fridge to grab a drink she didn't to much care how Maya felt about it she tried to get her mother to take notice as she shook her head while looking over her shoulder while her mother and father talked. Katie's dad just stared at his daughter and finally when noticed she smiled and laughed.  
"Aww Kate- you two played each other for the day. We spent hours finding the perfect wig you wouldn't walk out of the store without something that was as close to Mar's hair as possible." Katie's mother went on about Katie's and Marisol's Halloween game and Katie rolled her eyes.  
"Mom how does it look" Katie asked opening her drink and taking a sip.  
"Like a rat on your head" Maya responded and Katie narrowed her eyes at her and the younger sister took her magazine and cello bow into a different room.  
"Well Kate I like it but why?" she asked. Katie looked from her mother to her slightly less shocked father and shrugged and took off the wig.  
"No reason" she said before grabbing the keys and smiling kissing her dad on the cheek and leaving.  
That settled it, Katie was dying and cutting her hair- tonight.  
Walking into the pharmacy she bounced to a song in her head and headed right to the hair care section looking through she found a jet black color and smiled picking it up and confidence oozed out of her for the first time in days when she put it down on the counter. The teen at the counter probably went to Degrassi and chuckled when ringing her up, she paid last of her babysitting money for the week and walked out off the store throwing the bag over her shoulder. The ride home she sang along to Katy Perry with the windows rolled up so no one could hear her of course she gripped the wheel as she moved her shoulders to Part Of Me. Katie felt good and Katy Perry felt good too she could tell.  
After the long process of washing and dying and all that Katie emerged from the bathroom to an empty house she played the same Katy Perry song in her room after cutting her bangs she threw the scissors on the bed and danced around her room to her new felt like theme song.  
"I fell deep, you let me down  
But that was then and this is now  
Now look at me"  
She felt like Tom Cruise in that movie with him sliding around in underwear she wasn't in underwear but she was that confident in herself and now all she wanted to do was go to school on Monday and show off the new look she purchased with her babysitting money for the week and dipping into Maya's stash in her room. She bought different clothes today and laid down something to wear on her bed and just bounced around to Katy Perry now. She heard a door close and she shut off her music quickly, her parents could know tomorrow when she left the house they couldn't tell her no, when she is already half way out the door.

Waking up Katie looked at her hair in the mirror as she got ready playing with her new bangs she darken her mascara and everything else and tilted her head looking in the mirror. Smiling she realized Saturday she felt like she was going to die today if she went to school- told her mother she didn't want to go and told Maya to get another ride and the girl did- Maya would get taken to school by her niner friends and Katie walked downstairs with her new clothes attitude and hair and her mother and father didn't even notice. Shrugging she got into her car and headed to school pulling up and parking in the parking lot where Mo and Marisol leaning up against her car. As Katie got out Marisol's eyes bugged and she got away from Mo and nearly ran to look at Katie.  
"What the fu-"  
"Wow Katie nice look." Mo said before Marisol finished and she turned to look at him and blinked and Mo knew to just go wait by the gate.  
"Girl no text- IM! I would have even answered an email- if we still use those!" she said running her fingers through Katie's hair. Katie smiled and bit her lip hoping for her friends approval.  
"Well I can't say I wish you would have went like red- Rihanna looks good with it and Spidey's girlfriend Emma Stone but you'll rock this and he'll rue the day" Marisol nodded slowly. Katie smiled and decided to walk behind Mo and Marisol for a number of reasons, mainly because Marisol knew the plan without saying it she'd let Katie know when bastard number one was approaching and let Katie fly solo from there.  
They entered the school and some people noticed not many but Marisol and Mo turned into the library and Katie finally was solo but she saw her best friend watching like a hawk from the window. Katie stopped at her locker and closed it at the right time, Adam Torres just came around the corner and nearly fell over his own feet when passing Katie.  
"Wow- I mean wassup Matlin" he said walking away as quick as possible but turning around just as Drew walked around the corner. Adam waved and Katie was still slightly watching him- he suggested his brother turn around but Drew was and always has been dense so he didn't get it.  
shrugging "What bro! I don't know what th- KATIE!" he said running into a group of people and saying sorry as Katie turned and walked away from him.  
"Katie whoa- wait" she stopped and looked right into the window at Marisol smiling, she turned around on her heels and looked right at him.  
"What do you got to say now- more lies or just more reasons for me to hate you?" she spat at him crossing her arms, the bad attitude she put on actually covered what she was actually thinking,  
Why can you just see you're hurting me by talking- just break me down a bit more.


	4. Barely Breathing

I could feel him staring at the back of my head, but I could also feel myself breathing again. He sat behind me and to my right, I didn't have to look to know that Drew was behind me because I knew. I knew he wasn't paying attention to Mrs.C talk about the Roman Empire, I knew he was looking at me, because this morning I stunned him and he had been like this all day and for once I was winning. Bianca had not shocked him today like I have and I knew she wouldn't all day. Drew was watching me, because I stunned him, B hadn't done that today, I did...Again.

_"Drew- are you ready?" she called from the top of the stairs, their first real date. The first time they weren't just going to The Dot or any other place where they could just walk in. A night together just them- no Marisol or Adam. Just Katie and just Drew and she was nervous. Coming down the stairs after his, "What kind of movie is this- Romantic Comedy?" left a small giggle traceable on her lips. Coming downstairs she looked at him, Marisol would be proud that after a long practice she could make Katie look less like a sweaty soccer star into an actual girl. With bouncy curls and a skirt yes it had to be borrowed from the closet of Mar, but still it was a different Katie and the look on Drew's face made her smile. _  
_"All this- for mwah?" he asked putting his hands to his chest being well trying to be funny. Katie rolled her eyes. Yeah she was wearing a skirt and a heels but she could still pin him to the floor before he could recoil and react. That much didn't change, they walked out of the house and Drew took her into the downtown part of TO and Katie caught him looking at her as she walked ahead of him up a few stairs to the square. _  
_"What?" she asked turning to wait for him as he stepped level with her. The smile on his face made her blush which she hoped he wouldn't notice but the heat on her face made it even worst. _  
_"You just look really nice" he said and Katie dropped his gaze to push him away. Rolling her eyes she walked ahead of him again to the outdoor café that they planned to eat at. During their dinner Drew asked her all the right questions about soccer and playing and being the head of the newspaper. Katie only asked him a few questions because Drew was still...paranoid about Bianca's friends coming after him and every so often he'd look over his shoulder. Katie worried for him and as they left he did it again, looking back over his shoulder as they walked to the fountain. _  
_"Drew- no one is going to come for you" she said after fighting with herself for a moment. _  
_"Sorry- I'm just" he said dropping her hand rubbing the back of his neck. Katie shook her hand and stepped in front of him taking his hand from the back of his neck dropping it to her side so her hands could take it's place on the back of his neck._  
_"You're...scared." she started and Drew's manly 'No I'm not' charged onto his face but Katie shook her head, "Let me finish- Drew what you went through its normal. But all that's over- you're going to be fine and if I have too my dad made me put pepper spray in my bag. He's a little iffy on you still but I'm not worried" she said and watched his wall that was being built again fall apart as she spoke. Katie played with the hairs on the back of his neck while Drew looked at her. _  
_"Thank you Katie- but I'm not scared for...me. I don't want to mess you up because you're trying to help" he said resting hands on her waist. "Thank you" he whispered inches from her lips, her eyes already closed as he spoke the smile on her face made her feel like she was the girl from the fairytale for once. When he kissed her she lost track of her heart rate and the ground under her. Their kiss didn't last long because Drew pulled away and walked over to a man selling flowers and bought Katie a long stem peach colored rose that matched her skirt. Katie smiled and took it from him and they walked around the fountain and-_  
His eyes against the back of my head pulled me from my memories, and I was quick to wipe a tear from my cheek as Marisol turned around to ask to be partners. Why she still asked, I'd never understand but she leaned over after nodding to Marisol and wiped her cheek again and opened her bag looking for her notebook she picked it up and shook it out looking for the assignment and when the stem of that peach flower fell from her notebook she stared at it and Marisol stared too and sighed when she watched Katie's hand shoot in the air.  
"Yes- Miss. Matlin?"  
"Can I go to the bathroom"  
"Take the pass" Katie moved so quick she held herself together as she pushed past Marisol and Mo who asked her whats wrong. She left before she could look back at Marisol looking up at Drew picking up the dried rose that Katie used as a place mark since the petals and a leaf and part of a rose were pushed together between plastic to keep them together and glare at Drew who watched her leave. Drew sighed and put his head down as Katie turned the corner, new hair and all she couldn't get him out of her head. She didn't make it to the bathroom before running to a door but she couldn't bring herself to push open she put her head against it and let the tears fall as she slumped to the ground.

_Drew Torres was harder to get over than just a hair change and an attitude change, no matter how much Katie wanted to think it was._


End file.
